I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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