Do you still have your period?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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