Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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