wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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