Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
