i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dignity is for republicans.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
