Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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