:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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