My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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