You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
