i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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