yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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