Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
