you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
