I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
