dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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