Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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