Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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