I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
