I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
