It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
