I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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