1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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