Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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