literally had 100 drinks last night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
