my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
