The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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