Hey man sorry I got all grabby
zippers are such a cool invention
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
