Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize