awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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