and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
