dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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