I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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