A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
