Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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