Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
