dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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