Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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