I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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