So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize