Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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