I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
