think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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