The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
