They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
