your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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