Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
