so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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