They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
