with your own penis?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
