btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
only you would photoshop your dick
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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