I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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