Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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