once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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