For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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