if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
