Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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