I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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