It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
