I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
