he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
