i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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