hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
