What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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