im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
