I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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