he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
