I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
