what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
