i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
