LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize