Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
