I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
