seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
