i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my shit smells like andre
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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